Monday, March 30, 2009

Zombie Survival

The Zombie Survival Guide may be the most important piece of literature you will ever read. Max Brooks, son of Mel Brooks and author of supplemental zombie horror read World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War offers a brilliant tongue-in-cheek take on zombie panic and preparation for it.

The book covers every type of weapon/armor you could possibly think of including obtuse forms of zombie disposal such as flamethrowers or chainsaws. Differing opinions are sure to arise between groups of friends who may one day be a group of survivors when discussing zombie Armageddon. The Zombie Survival Guide is a wonderful point of reference on what to do in the event of a zombie panic from an author who has researched the topic extensively (or at least writes as though he has).

When it's crunch time and zombie panic is directly upon your nuts, it is recommended that every individual in your group has read the Zombie Survival Guide and is prepared for the situation. Careful planning along with well-aimed head shots is the only way to ensure your and your group's survival in a zombie panic. It's never too early to formulate a survival plan should the unspeakable occur. Preliminary escape routes should already have been discussed as well as a unified location to hole up and face the zombie onslaught. For those in the Waterford/Clarkston area that are interested in the Waterford Courts stronghold contact myself, while those privy to the Isle Royal option contact Mr. Crumm.

Reviews of the Zombie Survival Guide have suggested that the book is so meticulous that it crosses the line between humor and horror. Be prepared for any type of zombie-human encounter and ensure that your brains are still intact afterward. Get to know your body and mind and continuously train them. Learn zombie weak points and the best weapons to hit 'em where it hurts.

It is my hope that I retain the information I absorbed before my copy of the life saving manual was discarded by sources unknown. It is my hopes that the culprit of Zombie Survival Guide destruction wasn't in league with the zombie subculture. My laziness and lack of purchasing another copy may be the end of this blogger's zombie survival in the event of zombie panic.

Follow not my path of laziness; at very least make it a point to borrow the Zombie Survival Guide or skim it while in-store to pick up a few survival tips that could save yourself and countless people around you.

This is a more accurate depiction of an infestation than such zombie games as Left 4 Dead, do not be mistaken. Zombies don't fuck around, and neither should you.

1. Organize before they rise! 2. They feel no fear, why should you? 3. Use your head: cut off theirs. 4. Blades don't need reloading. 5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair. 6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it. 7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike. 8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert! 9. No place is safe, only safer. 10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks

Spring 2009 will come complete with a new Zombie Survival Guide supplemental read called The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks. Max Brooks will again cause readers to question the reality of zombie existence and offer what could possibly be relevant insight into the subject.

The book will include illustrated accounts of previous zombie panic situations and further outline the struggle between man and zombie which has been raging for centuries. Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks will let readers use the knowledge gained from the Zombie Survival Guide and see the applications to real life events and zombie panic.

The illustrated novel will include an accumulation of zombie survival knowledge gained over the years of zombie panic. It will expand upon the last few page of the Zombie Survival Guide which archives reported zombie encounters. The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks comes complete with sketches of the events depicting exactly how they occurred and are likely to re-occur.

For the sake of your own life and the lives of those around you, don't be the overzealous survivor wielding a flamethrower because you saw somebody in Resident Evil 5 do it. Use your most powerful weapon to gain an advantage on a being with far superior stamina and pain threshold. There may come a time when the knowledge and preparation gained by reading the Zombie Survival Guide may be your greatest weapon of all. Followed immediately by a machete.

Check out The Zombie Survival Guide as well as Recorded Attacks and be ready for the worst. Don't fall victim like so many will to being part of the mindless bloodthirsty horde of zombies. They're coming, I'm not sure when, but zombie panic will one day be upon us. Protect your brains.

1 comment:

  1. Hadn't heard about this one! Now I'm scurrying to Amazon to add it to my shopping list. That's pretty much a must-have item.

    Nice zombie site you got here. Good to see someone possibly even more obsessed than I am (my girlfriend will never believe such a thing possible). Do you link to other sites? Maybe we could do a link trade? The Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse